from notes again

the notes o'  figaro

12/12/17

i’m ok

okay, doekay

rhe okie/doekey

a tibettan llama

like lama dorjay

the tidbitten book of the dead

the last enclave

from a disappearing neighborhood

turned largely medical

a ramshackeled

white clapboard

heavily weathered

lethal compound where

sex and drugs

rule riotously in a

final outburst of

decadence and evil

chou en lai

general dollarsworth

a comma date shun

garments and varments

villanova villains

valid dictorian

valid Victorians

victory

vickery

factory arts

ol’ factory

apt. 303

his panic

his spandex

the bicyclist

hicktory

fichte rhea

tock

I grow hydro

On a green t-shirt

With a green tee and a

Golf ball on the back

Reads

I’d hit on that

In site

Insight

In side of a

Jay coushay

Avec un jeune

Hier soir la

Or, as wordsworth wrote in

“tintern abbey”  I tend to

Think thisaway

“ these heteroes,

Hardly heteroes”

Holy rose

Hedge blessed

Iron skull

Tried test

O buttermilk sky

O buttermilk pie

Mother was a

Buttermilk baby

Lambasted

National

Nashville

Montgomery wards on gum soled shoes

Sumatra macho

How is your morning going

Morning glory?

Now I am sleepy

“Now we are six”

Isis aND AMAZON

Isis unveiled

Chocolate éclair wafers

Éclat

Window shopping women

Dirty mountain boys

How long must I bear the burden of you

When you caribou to

Spend the very blest

Under a canopy of oak

The delicate tracery of long branches

I  slt ln the shade

The mottled shade

Of a warm winter

Afternoon

Hey, friend of satan

I no longer talk with  you

She bought her boyfriend an

Eight ball of coke for crismus

He had shoulders like grapefruits

Or softballs and a narrow waist

Like a hornet or wasps

Arms like young twin oaks

Sturdy but twisted

Indulgence, texas

Indol/gents

from notes

i am old
i am old like dad was
just before he died
he died at 73
i will be 73 in about two months

i hope that this will do the trick

opthomistic
opthomitrust

cymbeline
cindilynne

hamlet the hamstrung hamster

ash can van gogh show

the hippocritical biggots whom

snarliin like a caged possum
marlin texas

white light

white crismus

hedda hopper w/a hedda hair

i remember the chrismus when
crismus carol came to stay

the sun risin
a scarlet rose

salt risin bread

melanie butler

mount  sinai china

alexander socceroff

runnin like a good clockworks

the green tea
charlie geren
the geren tea

when you caribou to send the very best

under a canopy of oak
the delicate traceries of branches
mottled shade

dirty mountain boys

binary canary

close to finnish
costa rico

sick eggs
soft boiled,
mashed with butter and
salt and pepper
served by mother
when we were sick

now we are sicks

who is buried in grant's tomb

it's ten o'clock
do you know
what time it is

h. allen smith
g. allen george

the price is white

two women
eloise and nora

pedersen hawk

bloggins and messina II

from notes

roofers twofer

poem about stuckey's and aunt edith robb

o mama o papa

phi tappa keg

black poly titians

attack dogs

bush clinton

al franken stine

olivia j. whitechurch

fatten the flocks

batten down

dale tucker

jimmy ng

rosie's brother

stanis lauski

western hills bible clinic

clinique

cliniqueastwood

equal soquel

heaven: the ultimate gift

narrow tease
tif

lord mountbatten

stanford freud

little room for
sex alienation or
frustration

episcopal church reformed

fox faith news

the skeletal remains of
empire

arch demon

demon strata

denim striata

la strada (strata)

precise
not precious
precis

30 years old
18 years old
young jimmy
swaggert
fair game

that hard tack will
give you a
heart attack

mutiny on the bounty

broad but skinny

jim swearinggem

built to last

opthomistic

after mass/acre

what remains and
what is lost

a lot of response
lottery sponsor

ridership
watership
down

fleck sable
flexible

queen latifa

the amazon open

and all that

the empress carlotta

minnie malice

feminism
m and enims
symo nisms

in discretion
indus crechun

8-4  the best eight hours
of the day, the 8 hours
when we get  fed

the egg hamlet
danish ham

historical
hysterical

bien venuto
cellini's cup

fatty gai

ko)como

sutherland's

wilma fey

people we know

ain gels over armorika

jack omo
casa nova

caval canti

slave mansell

which doctor
witch doctor

disable
unstable
out of the
stable

tim seibles

something to write
home about

full of phila
delphia
creme cheese

not too bright
brighton rock

swisher sweets

man's odyssey

tile and  grout
dick degroote

leito punch

ravaged with age
remnants of acne
carried high
into the world

polyeurethene pol

benny fits
(bennie and the jets is playing
fit to be tied

emmmiges
emma gray

ruby south

for Raina Lea

Raina Lea, the famous drag queen
and drag impressario, who was
twice Gay Empress of Fort Worth.
advised me if I ever took up her trade
to shave as close as I possibly could.
I liked to watch her put on her makeup
like I used to like watching Jerri Reidy
my mother's childhood friend, who had been
Gus Wortham;s personal secretary, Gus
of the Wortham Center in Houston.  I met
Mr. Wortham at Jerri's second wedding.
Jerri would take me to the Inner Circle
at the Wortham for musicals and I met
Juliet Prowse there.  But, Raina Lea...
I had to hide from him one time when
I disappeared with his lover for an afternoon
and he threatened to castrate me with a
broken beer bottle.  But we were good
friends and had lots of good times.  He
has been dead with HIV for twenty-five years.
The wonder is I am AIDS free.  Gary,
that was Raina's real name, once loaned
his tiara to Ruta Lea, the Hollywood star,
not to be confused with Ruta Baker,
for a production at Casa Manana.  Raina
took her stage last name from Ruta.  I
saw Raina retire at least three times.

after nap

after lunch

chicken fried and mashed cauliflower
with cream gravy

call a flower by any other name and
it's still a cauliflower (flour)

why i don't really like walt whitman:
his spirituality,
his psychology
his sexuality
his politics
his poetics

but i sort of like "a whitman sampler"

the 30th of october
tomorrow should be a solemn day
a slolam day
slavinski

john 7:38
rivers of living water

thor and more
chris hemsworthy

l.b. mayer
ezra pound

is it cool?
not very
real cool ride
varykino

MBank
MPact
mbank mint

fig/mints

bookout
bukowski

when asked about his late blooming fame, replied:
too little and too late

hootin' ana hollerin'

i'm saved
i've been saved
by the Lord
he hears my plea

pleas(e

the unthinkable moly b. denim
leadville

david dill.  when challenged
talking to himself

crud
cred/ability

no disputin',
with ras/putin

the trees
the arbor
the arbor etum
   edom
      moab
         deep ellum
a maze of traceries
over herd
over head

dick tray ceres

google eyes

i hear a car engine and then
the whirr of the security gate
opening up, inextricably mixed with
the roar of a jet high in the sky

traffic sounds out in the street
and the hum of silence that never dies

mits u bishi
mits n uber

no happiness apart from God

vac cine
max scene

jack 'n' mac

the mac scene
aub/scene

waiting for my uber ride
mr. mayor

now i have some idea
how it must feel to
be up in the space module
waiting for the rocket to
finally take off

The Final Countdown"

jokten
jack  tar

women
little boxes of dynamite
very explosive
handle with care

God is the author and the
inspiration

bulging waffles
waffling

the goose that laid the golden eggs

howl o' weenies

i take what nobody else wants
i am a bottom feeder
"scuttling" along on legs and claws
digging up what i can
getting fat on the leavings of others
i am a scavenger but
i can also be mean

just say no to halloween

far out
all right
far right
alt out

butterick
butter rich

at times it all seems like too much
the medical, the money, the church
the transportation, too, but
i know from experience and
and scripture too that if i
persevere i will  come through

a piece of fruit
stolen in a dream
came up in sunday's
sermon lesson

work horse foot

there's no tellin'
what you're feelin'
when you're "jellin'"
with magellan

fresh rolls

trvial privelege

hack/knee d
standards
sanders

topical depression
tropical

tip a canoe. and tyler too

finnished

just for today

iranium

the iranians have discovered a new isotope of uranium

you reign e-uhm

ucrainium

hollow wieners
injected with cheese

john weiners

ear idiom

kevin brady
my cousins from brady
brady, texas

spacey kevin

corey feldman

mad dog dana

scene your city zen

denise levertov's washing machines
bought with grant money
lever brothers?

criminal lawyers

writing 09-21-17

I had left my dear friend Ruth behind in Paris a couple of days before.  We had reached an impasse in our ongoing friendship that seemed beyond transcending.  We had been hitchhiking in Normandy shortly before, traveling to Haugate from which William the Conqueror had left for Britain in 1066.  We survived with strangers on her weak French, but stronger than my own.  We had visited Versailles; and then, on the fourteenth of July, la Quatorze Julliet, said goodbye in a railway station near a carnival where there were bumper cars.  Ruth had wanted to come with me.  I had not wanted to be encumbered.  I had only a few weeks left in Europe and not much funds.  I wanted to cover as much territory as possible.  What extra funds I had had been supplied by an established lady novelist whom I had met through the widow of a very  prominent English author, strictly by way of encouragement.  I had been told to do something educational.  I decided to go to Morocco.

The train ride to Madrid was mostly during the night.  I missed most of the south of France as a fellow passenger  played Tom Jones singing “Delila” essentially all night long.  There was a brief stop in the morning at a large Spanish city where I breakfasted, and then by noon we were in a large station in Madrid.  A young man approached me with an offer to show me to a youth hostel, and I was taken to a large apartment where rooms were lined with cots, fairly comfortable  ones.  I wandered around Madrid in the evening, and the next  morning  visited the Prado Museum.  I was especially impressed with the Dutch and Belgian paintings, Heironymous Bosch in particular.  I remember seeing a bull fight arena and eating a meal in a small café.  At some point I took a train and visited Escurial.

Then I proceeded by train to Algecieras or Alicante, I confuse the two now so many years later, and boarded a ship for Tangier.  The trip across the Straits of Gibraltar was bracing.  In the port at Tangier another young man approached me, trying out several languages before he lighted on English.  He also offered to help me find a hostel; but by this time I was somewhat soiled and disheveled and was denied entrance to the established hostel.  We found a place where I could clean up.  Then we went to a small hotel in the casbah, and I rented an inexpensive room.  After that we went to a rooftop coffee bar where people were drinking coffee and smoking kief, a low grade of marijuana or hashish.  I was a novice at the time with little experience with drugs, having been duped in London into buying a small sack of what turned out to have been perhaps Bull Durham  from a man in the American Express.  My young friend and I smoked some of the Moroccan substance.  It was pleasant but somewhat disorienting.  We sat near the edge of a railing, and he kept motioning towards a building below and exclaiming, “bar berra hatton” with a long o.  I could not at first make out what he was saying.  His English was somewhat deficient, and we tried using a little French.  It turned out that that building was the home of the American Woolworth heiress Barbara Hutton, whose son Lance Revitlow? was a famous playboy recently featured in Look magazine or in Life.  Bar bare a hat on, I dizzily mused; and that was my introduction to Morocco.

After reading Lord Byron’s “She Walks in Beauty”

Gerald A. George

I don’t know how I knew of such a thing…

As makes my heart to break but lets it sing.

You were the very vision of desire

Portrayed in solemn beauty and composed

Of skin light brown, with eyes perhaps grey-green,

In satin shaded rose with taffeta, appointed by

A pink camellia corsage which I had brought you,

When I picked you up in my father’s car…

My little Fiat was far too small for this scene.

Your hair was soft and subtle as if a shuttle

Had woven back and forth, both woof and warp,

Concealing and revealing with no more trouble

Than a summer cloud that pauses in the sky

And half conceals itself in its own disguise.

So was it on that night so long ago

When I took you to the country club for

My senior dinner dance and high school prom.

We did not go to the same high school.

Yours may have been more sophisticated,

Though we would never have admitted it

Not in a million, not for a moment.  We

Had prevailed that year in at least four sports.

You disappeared into the powder room and

Mixed with girls whom I but not you knew

Somehow the word came back to me that

They were much impressed but we weren’t

Meant to be.  We went our separate ways,

Crossed paths of course from time to time,

But you are happily married now and

I am lagging far behind.    We had

Been childhood friends; our mothers were

And now we’re facebook friends so what’s

The stir about to long for times gone by.

I only hope someday to write it down

Just as it was when almost moved to tears

By your great beauty and fallen from fears

Of future duties to live up to my expectations

The loss was mine alone, but not the nations.

Gageorge0245@gmail.com

As ugly as Count Ugolino

In Dante’s Inferno who

Eats his own sons

The sound of my walking cane

(I am now disabled.)

Tapping on the floor like

The passing of time

Until  my dinner.

Just as Mother made the coffee for

The AA’s and the Al-Anons at

All Saints Episcopal Church

For years, so have I

Made the coffee for the

Grove Home Residents

Every morning for a

Number of years, but

Even so I am beginning to

Back down now and

Leave it for

Others  to do.

I have just watched The Wings of the Dove(1979), an earlier version of the 1997 production, free on youtube.  It is a remarkable story and a good movie.  Based on a Henry James novel, one of his three greatest achievements written towards the end of his life, this movie is very engaging.  Henry James was a truly great American novelist who took for his subject the machinations of very high New York or New England society, often juxtaposed with a European environment.  He is widely regarded as one of the pinnacles of American literature.  His brother, Willliam James, was a Harvard professor of psychology and the author of a landmark work, The Varieties of Religious Experience.

The Wings of the Dove is  concerned with the fate  of a young American woman of good fortune who comes to London with her amiable companion, somewhat indisposed by an unrevealed illness, to find happiness and adventure.  They encounter a powerful society headed by a controlling aunt, Maude Lowder,  including a charming niece the aunt hopes to marry into the aristocracy.  The niece Kate Croix is secretly aligned  with a Mr. Denture who has no financial future.  Mrs. Lowder is promoting the advances of Lord Mark, a questionable prize.  Millie Thiel is the unfortunate heiress, also courted by Lord Mark but attracted to Mr. Denture.  The scene shifts to Venice where the situation continues.

Kate would have Mr. Denture marry Miss Thiel for her money before she dies.  He declines, but after Miss Thiel dies and leaves her fortune to him, he throws it away only to be rejected by Miss Croix who was complicit in the act of renunciation.  It is an excruciating story, beautifully told and dramatically rendered.  I give it my highest recommendation.  Mother would have loved it.  I am sure of that.

dream blog

I was pursuing, somewhat self-indulgently, the object I had undertaken at the time of my falling asleep of perusing my usual general history of philosophy, specifically the life and works of rene Descartes, the imminent philosopher of reason and precise procedure…was pursuing this subject in my sleep and in my dreams, howsomever irrelevantly and fancifully.  The philosopher and his companion had just arrived in the early morning hours, in extreme dark and some heavy precipitation, by modern vehicle on the outskirts of dallas, when the car broke down outside a local university.  Entering the nearby house, master descartes was confronted with a rising irate ogre who offered him one of two breadknives in place of real swords.  Rene Descartes immediately beheaded the ogre with his weapon and took possession of the house…although there were loyal peasants and servants at hand.  Then my grandmother Florence  delia arrived at the same time as a mob of students carrying torches for a football rally.  Finally a young shepherd boy named tom arrived intending to be of some service, and the vehicle  was brought back to life.  Even so my computer has revived and I am able to continue my journal in its usual place, but will now transport to my usual blog.

09-13-17

this is the  one place i have left to write.  my microsoft word has apparently dropped out.  i can still get email and view youtube.  it's strange.  it is another blow.  it comes after being seriously crippled, now beginning to abate somewhat.  i've lost a lot.  i'm sure i will lose more.  all is disappearing now, leaving me lonely, lost in the dark  i can only talk in public now.  perhaps i will be blessed with an interesting  dream.  it is almost 8pm.

when i sing "it ain't necessarily so" from porgy and bess, i think of sara lee pastries with a cup of warm nescafe.   that's just how my mind works.  i think about all the famous people who have either lost their faith or surrendered it.  not me.  i just got mine back fifteen years ago.  i am in old age.  i am not likely to surrender it now.   i believe in Jesus.  i believe in the Bible.  i believe in a traditional anglican church.  it is no always easy to figure, but i really do believe in God, the only God that makes any sense to me...the God of the Bible.  if there are problems, i riddle them out.   i get good help.  i would spend more time in church, but then, i am really fairly crippled right now and do not have a ride to church.  i hope to get back from time  to time.

from notes

Homage au damage

Tadpole

Tad pole

Hurricane Harvey

Hurricane harbor

Law (rinse Harvey

Buddhist monastery

My scroll is the pink scroll

I go first

Oh the nursing home for me

It’s the only place to be

Free to live and free to die

Free to sleep and read and write

And stay up every night

O it’s the only place for me

Erasure: a novel

Embrace your

Porter waggoner

Port aransus

Afraid of heights

Arlington heights

I went to Paschal

Blaise paschal

Nothing but us

Glue tonus

Notting hill gate

Moors contemptoraires

Out of my glasses

Hume id ditty

The grave pretender

Oh yes I’m

Androids and andruids

And irons

Andrew feelingwell

Clerkendorff

Blackstrap and mo’ lashes

Nevermind

No mine

Sulphur (ing) and mo’ lashes

Caudill

Cad o’lac

Lake caddo

A caddo mission

Lone wolf

Waxahatchie

Beehive yourself

Honey from the rock

Badger

Lips cinque

apoca

eek lips

rue dean

the lottery

illusory/ loser ee

ink jet, lear king

miss isle

burnoose

Bernice

Racial/facial

Edith throb

Hyppolitus

Hip hollow tus

Hippie hollow

Hip hip

White tower

Trump tower

Hip hop

Pot a must

Will look for it,

Later…lake foret

A thurible thing to do

The careless boatboy

Playing plain relay Tivoli

Tiddlywinks

Didley squat

cussed toe mer

is the de/liver/ee stable

narjuna

chicken in the kitchen

there’s a goose on the luce

if you’re not very careful

you can take a look or cook

and I a/loan am left to tell you

don’t pretend to know,

the ion sopha

the great I AM

not long for this world

mahatma khandi-ji

medusa

dragging her tale like a train on

a wedding dress

here I go from rags to riches

“the age of innocence”

In a sense

No swish/ gay bob

Blacklash

Your saint

Sir five

Foodstamps

Footsteps

Very superstitious

Break/fast on my mind

Sunrise

Surprise

Straw bury in the brie/z

Berry overhaul

Blue burial

Joe piscopo

Episcopaleyuns

Nurse’s stay/shun

Antifascist antifa

And we’ll have raisin cup

On the last day

Appenine tails

Jacken apes

The overflowing

Used to abuse

Corpus krispie

A topical depression

Perrier

p/ross perot

a bill o’ goods

mia, one brown eye, one blue

joy with her blue door

jinky george 2007

apocalyptic dream

giant screen and a very large bar.  a mural is projected with the second coming by william blake.  i don't know if this exists or not.  it is indebted to michaelangelo.  there are angels and lions.  it is a white background with blue figures.  it adjoins a dormitory where i have just taken some nitrous oxide.  then there is a large restaurant with a man speaking into a microphone, sort of like a poetry reading.  someone says, if we could just get this into print it  would change the world.  then there is dancing and i get off my bench and go onto the floor dancing with a paddle  ball.  could this be my invitation to "america's got talent"?   i am seventy-two years old.  i think i can still dance.  i will have to go out and look  for a paddle (power/powder) ball.

in straunge londes

i have determined just who is  going to give me a  ride to the doctor today.
there are parties literally jockeying for position to get a chance to
give me a ride.  it is very strange.  i have never had it like this before.

in cindy aery
little flights or swarms
of faeries attend my presence
in the hour of rest

we all know the reason why
10,000 seasons then the
spell is spun

10,000 reasons and the
bell is rung

"bless the Lord o my soul
o o o my soul"
praise to His holy name

moan signorita itta itys now

the necessity of books,
tell me it ain't
nesca sarah lea
so nessi dormu
nessie the loch-
ness sea monster
a monstrosetee
re: monstrance
the monster sea

going to primary care after lunch.  will get my ear unplugged.  routine visit. after that, nothing until late october...then three in a row.

daddy;s warbucks

daddy's warbucks were long and green
like his busy lean fingers on the adding machine.
he never looked down as he tallied the sums,
when daddy was in town and the war had just been won.

daddy's warbucks were still long and green
when you visited downtown, and the scene was seen.
he had those dollar marks imprinted all over him,
according to his assistant who was really rather frank back then.

but daddy did good, all the best that he could;
and we all loved to see him when at last he really would
come home with ink stained fingers and we knew he was our friend
for daddy had the message when the news wore thin.

good day at church

it was a good day.  i enjoyed the liturgy and the sermon.  got a ride from one of my neighbors.  that was very kind.  she did not want to stay for service, but she came back and got me afterwards.  food has been good today.  a little upset by some of the news, but i don't think it is that important...right now.  looking forward to tomorrow.  will go to my primary care; hopefully getting my deaf ear unstopped.  it's been a real nuisance.  found gerald o'grady on youtube last night, mostly marshall mcluhan related.  was another occasion to look up northrup frye.  worked on an apaollinaire translation yesterday, indebted to others, try to make it more my own.  took a day off on some medications, but not the psychiatric  feel pretty good. g..  

morning song

it is good to feel good in the morning,
to sing praises to God every day.
when the day is afoot and your first word is "gut",
it's a joy to have something to say.

it is good to be happy not sad.
unbelievers must find their own way.
but get up and alert and do not feel really hurt
and something may come into play.

it is good to be faithful and thankful;
God loves us and keeps us always.
if we learn to shine out and to live without doubt
some good will turn up that may pay.

we pave our way with intentions.
let us follow with acts that are pure
and when we reach our final destination
we shall have the true gold that endures..

an enormous party

almost as big as the whole staate fair.  was supposed to be just firday night.   looks like it will go on all weekend.  i finally breaK DOWN IN THE BAR, HAVE A FEW BEERS AND THEN A SCOTCH AND WATER. see a friend of mike's...a bartender.  finally head home, back to my rooms, out in the night.  football parking.  i manage to bring someone with me.  we arrive at chez moi, people everywhere, even in my bed...or is it mine.  perhaps this is robert and jess's rooms.  but they feel like mine,but robert's latest notebook is lying around near the bed.  i tell my dear friend, you know, this little book is  worth thousands of dollars...properly marketed.  there is a smoldering fire in the fireplace.   i sort of put it out,but then it starts up all over again on its own.  there is a mechanism.  that's how it works. it is like "beatlejuice": the movie. there is an almost naked woman? in the bed in upside down panty hose.  they carry her out.  finally we are alone.  i try to straighten up the bed.  there is more than one and in several rooms.  nothing untoward is going on.  i am about to wake up.  earlier i was with pat in the old house on park ridge.  lots of straunge animules.  anna mules.  flying around.  being evicted.  one room leads to another, like the party rooms.  walls dissolve into walls.  pat and i disagree but we manage.  there are intruders...in the dust. and so  it goes eternally  some of my relatives are there, and some old friends.  just turned on the computer.  messages from pam m. and david m.  pam and david, that was an item at one time...not anymore, eny

various

this is the everlasting street
paved with human suffering.
there may be no immediate relief,
except for patience, kindness and love

from notes

re/ducible in the crucible

the re/markable bible

left over and left behind
upright and righteous

madame b)ovary
left overture

alexander graham cracker

the grave pretender

don't pretend to know
the ion sopha

not long for this world

mahatma khandhi

medusa
dragging her tail like the train of a wedding dress

blacklashed

yes seurat

sunrise
surprise

devil
david

it's been interesting tonight.  i edited back about as far as the software seemed to allow.  can't expect to catch everything.  modifying my views. correcting them.

good morning

feeling pretty good this morning.  woke up at 3:30. did most of my chores.  napped until 6.  bible class today.  will try to get a haircut and shop.  take the bus home.  have a nice day.  recovered from yesterday. those dreams threw me for a loop. (loup)

macbeth hath murdered sleep

duncan and dunce inane

i gave out her address, inadvertantly.  like richard's here. one main place

no point in going back to sleep
the world was collapsing all about him
the still point in the churning world
lotus in a sea of...fire, etcetera
thik nhut hanh

just a hint of henna

hennabush

the end of the world as we knew it

a new one about to emerge

jesus christ in charge from now on

apocalypse america

apocalypse

her paintings began appearing everywhere and then collapsing as the buildings turned into gigantic sink holes.  student centers everywhere, ucla, rice, etc. gigantic blasee abstract creaiions, so bad i assaulted one with a largle black paint brush.  you would not even notice it.  i had forgotten she could paint, besides being a scientist.  dr. gerald was rude to me as he prepared to retire.  i was driving a small sports car in the english countryside.  a criminal conspiracy.  the world falling apart.  bad abstracts.  student centers.  mother. my fellow co-conspirators.   like the joker from batman.  dare them to come back.  relocating. disaster. disaster. disaster.

oh joy divine

oh joy divine to know the Lord
to know Him with a certainty
that goes beyond imagination...
to celebrate on a weekly basis
his enduring Passion and Resurrection
which animates all of fallen creation
and gives us hope above all measure,
yet measured out in earthly portions
so that we can be his brothers and
sisters, and children of the one true Father.
oh, hallelujah for His blessed gifts
which we receive in the sacraments
that lead us to eternal faith and
life with Him in heaven forever.

mama mia

oh mama what it means to me
to see mia our dog so well and happy
in her new home after her operation.
she seems to be as good as new,
as young as when we first got her
six or seven years ago.  she lives
with a pack of other small dogs,
and she is the ring leader. maybe
she is twelve by now.  maybe
she was once a puppy mill mother,
trying to reproduce those eyes,
one brown, and one bright blue.
a credit to her dachshund breed,
black and brown and sleek and smooth
she even sleeps with cats today.
hard to believe she came from an auction.
what a grand odyssey.  now she lives in
handley, texas, now a part of greater
fort worth.  i see her once in a while
and contribute to her bills.  her
operation cost a thousand, but
it is worth every penny to
see her so well and happy again.

no gender

no agenda

from notes

weary and wise, attorneys

flea markets
free markets

phoney conversations

walter mitty's cousin
hugh miditty
hunid, arizona

ozona

o zone

cuss toe mere
costa del rey

now when

re:penta costa
costa rica

good doctorin'

popoff molotov

re:quested
reek wested
sleek vested
mrs. quested

a life in california

some are the same
summer knot

rainbow kamp

xtirpation

jeoffrey ballet

not an after dinner mint

procuts
call harem

lavonia bella
bella italia

daddy hoosier

seek ura tease

danse tudeo

whistlin; backwards
whistlin' dixie

"zew storie"

like ripe strawberries
straw burial

desiderata

swish gay bob

import ant

the culture wars

dream plus notes

she was short, cute and diminutive.  we were casual friends.  i told her goodbye in the cafeteria.  we would probably see each other that night.  the chef was talking to someone i knew.  just small talk.  i interrupted.  he told me about the evening meal.  it sounded very appetizing and sort of elaborate.  one dish had a local sauce.  he was keeping it local.  i mentioned the girl.  she had just left.  he knew who she was.  her father was a supervisor out at the nuclear facility.  i joked: they are low on uranium.  i am going to pick up some, but i will be back later to eat.  we were near the high school sports stadium.  (te deum)  i started my car. it coughed but then started ok.   i was glad.  i had not been driving again long.  i knew what it was like to have a stalled car.  a short line of cars approached.  they headed around the curve.   no problem for me at all.  i had told the chef somewhat personally, you know, she called me.  that's how it started. it is good to have some women around.  then i saw a fight starting...a drunk cowboy and a longhaired hippie?.  it was nasty.   i got out of there at once.

transcribed with some difficulty from mss.  could easily contain errors.

my dreams.  (streaming dreaming)  it's sort of like what anna hartmann said about my acid trips, they're so carefully structured.  yes, i replied, but i am not the one doing the structuring. i leave that up to God.

Horseneck (acushnet

golf ball size hail
scattered over the
driving range

fibber mcghee
fiber my algae
doctor my eyes
good doctrine

la grave field

i'm on a roll a
savannah roll
savanorolla said

francoise mitterand
enjoying a rothschild

under half dome

these feet that have stood
high above nevada falls
in upper yosemite are now
almost numb with diabetes and
yet somehow they still itch.
i hiked that summer in
just my boots, my boots and hat,
never saw another person
on the elevated trails.
i was just a teen and
i had seen a small grizzly
on the path, coming up past
vernal falls.  the bear passed
by me at i quickly shinnied
up a tree.

saturday night

i had just eaten a bag of popcorn and drank a cup of leftover cold coffee.  earlier i polished off some spaghetti and meatballs from two days ago.  i turned on the tv.  after the end of the six o'clock news a movie came on called "unfinished song".  it was about an old couple.  he was taking care of her.  i don't hear well and the closed caps were hard to read,  but i could follow somewhat.  the faces of the old people were worn but beautiful.  it reminded me of mother and myself.  mother has been gone six months  now.  i looked after her for about six years, the last four in a nursing home.  she barely knew me at the end. but they were probably the happiest days of my life, especially the first two years, before she went in the nursing home. we had a nice apartment and a nice car and a wonderful  dog.  we went to church on sundays.  it was a good life.  life is not that good without her.  it's lonely here in the retirement center.  i have my own room and go down for meals.  i rarely go out...just for church, when i can, and doctor appointments.  i read some, write quite a bit and listen to music.  classical, mostly.  i read my bible. i don't know how long this can last.  my health seems to be starting to fail.  would not be surprised to end up in a nursing home myself before long.  i am grateful just to get through the days and the weeks, the months and the years.  i did see our little dog recently.  she had had an operation.  she looked so healthy and happy. it cheered me up quite a bit.  

dream at 1:30am

glenn, my younger brother, is here with his new in-laws. i am still in bed when they appear outside my door getting a buffet breakfast. i get up.  mother is throwing things out, old things from her childhood.  there is a box of heavy bottles.  then she has her old sewing kit, covered in green satin.  i ask her if she covered it herself.  no, she replies, perhaps grandmother did, or her grandmother.  she is telling people about her life.  pat took the sewing kit.  he may still have it. pat is my older brother.

ink and more

tonight, in the home

i was telling david r. about my aunt polly.  her middle name was esther.  we just called her "polyesther".

here is a simple collage.  i made it to commemorate a date i had with maria calendar.  it is sort of like when pablo picasso memorialized a lunch dish by pressing the remaining leftover fish skeleton in to wet clay and leaving an imprint.  if i can be so bold.  this is the centennial year of the publication of t. s. eliot's "prufrock and other poems".  just checking my proofs if more is needed.

tonight i was able to download a converter for pdf documents to jpg.  it is a Godsend.  i was faced with buying one.  i cannot load pdf documents on my blog or facebook.  hooray! and it's free.

statement

soon these people will not have the op-
era tuna tea of consulting
anyone like me

of course there is not
anyone, exactly like
the person that i am

but what i mean is
i may be vain and arrogant
but surely i am still unique

my health is failing or
at least that's how it
seems to be

i am in my 70's
it's not unusual
at this age

interpreting reality
it's what i've tried to
do this time
as best as
i can

random notes

those people in that last dream blog were yugoslavians.

i'm out of my habit, the hobbit monk declared.

poetry, texas...a small town east of dallas

blt  ballistic missles

mandatory meeting
maundy thursday

pre-emptory strike
perestoika
paris troy ka

jimmy crack corn
gimcrack care

when i first heard of the crowley courthouse
i thought it was in crowley, texas,
south of here, but it is in dallas

allen george building is in
downtown dallas also
no, that's george allen

image of my mister mother, package of pins
a waif in juarez

london undone

wayfarer on the way of life

these people are nuts

almost a nightmare

it's the house on trailwood lane, the house mother and dad built.  i have been to the clinic. i have an appointment.  i go to use the restroom.  a young man comes in and blocks the door.  he wants to ask me something.  he needs some help.  i end up taking him home to an upstairs bedroom.  he has an infant with him. we put the baby in a chest of drawer.  then we go and get his family and bring them back.  mother and dad are out of  town.  we retrieve the baby.  there are other children.  we leave in my car.  i can hardly see over the steering wheel.  i make a left hand turn.  then we are on arch adams near 6th ave.  we pass the old aa headquarters.  they point out a  rooming community, mr.mcgracken's, where they are headed.  that's about the end of it.

dream (incomplete)

have been at trinity church for some kind of a function and accidentally left my briefcase behind.  i had had to climb up on a large structure in the parish hall and had to leave my briefcase behind.  when i go back to the church a staff member is somewhat rude to me, but then a clergyman helps me and i recover my briefcase.  i think i owe them a couple of dollars, but he says no, they owe me a couple.  outside i drive away or go on foot headed south.  then i am meeting someone on a blind date.  we meet in a large auditorium. each of us has a large suitcase.  we each start to move towards the other.  it is friendly enough, but then we are each in our separate cars (my date is following me) on a feeder road through downtown and end up on a freeway headed east.  but our destination is slightly west of downtown.  we cross over the freeway with some difficulty to exit on the left.

wake up

woke up at 11 pm.  pretty groggy but rested.  balanced the budget through next july.  everything should go ok, even with: painting, internet security, dental and christmas.  may even get a few dollar ahead.  feel pretty good about that.  increase in church pledge.  will probably put off cataract surgery a little bit longer.  can't think of anything else i need.   miss elke garcia.  miss dottie h. miss mother.  may stay up the rest of the night. sort of feel like reading...in my eliot book and scripture.  no plans to travel today..  no plans to buy groceries.  will try to survive until sunday.  happy with my new collage, very simple but effective.  laundry monday or tuesday.  10am meeting this morning. will probably need computer ink sometime $30.  paper budget should break even...newspaper.  pat sounds better.  miss glenn and daddy.  will shop penney's in the fall perhaps.  maybe not until spring.  

an empty day

an empty day
i thank God i slept
through most of it
i dreamed about an
old girl friend, one
i've looked for
recently.  i think
she may be a
mathematician.
that's too technical to
interest me.   i was
president of the mathe-
matics club in high school.
then i discovered
literature.  it all seems
a little empty now.
it's time to watch a
little news and go
downstairs to get
my meal.  i'm lucky
to have this life. i've
made a lot of big
mistakes,  it's hard
to know exactly what
i sould do next.  i
keep on writing,
searching.  home
may not be so far away
as i tend to think today
my health is poor.
i am getting old..

smoking cigarettes

smoking ziggy rats

lunch was difficult.  too much spice in the chile.  we are all at least 60 years old here with many of us delicate constitutions.  now if i can just get through the afternoon, and the night.  oh the nights, how i dread them at some times.

nowifi
no wifi
now if i

see above

eliotic eliotana

another dream

some time in the early moring hours, i wander into mother's room.  i start to get in bed with her, but then stop.  then she gets in bed with me.  there is a terrible stench. we are alarmed about something.  perhaps there is a dog on the scene, perhaps mia the dachshund.  i woke up.  it was mid morning. i have not been feeling very well.  i have taken an extra abilify.  my skin is crawling.  i wonder if death is near.  so much is wrong.  soon it will be lunch time. pat just called.  i remembered something else from my dream.  i  was with pat in the old montgomery wards down on the seventh street.  i walked by a bible display.  there was a thin wide shelf from which i pulled a very large, two feet by three feet, black leather bound king james bible with large print.  i showed it to pat.  

good morning lord

thank you for preserving me
from the terrors of the night

let them who say aha,
the Lord has deserted him,
be confounded in all their ways

righteous is your holy pathway
keep me always on your path

be kind to me.
forgive me my iniquity.
in extreme frustration did i wander
bring me back into your path

for you are my Lord from everlasting
you created me in my mother's womb
do not let me fall into sheol

bless your name forever and ever
blessed be your holy name

consuelo

of course, i had mother for my consolation and
now she is gone and i am left alone and bereft

tonight i have the new york philharmonic
a full harmonica in the mouth

i've been happening for over 18 hours
i'm looking forward to getting some rest

i may very well wake up with a startling dream
thirty minutes later, but that's the way it is with me

i've doctored my eyes, will brush my teeth with a
high fluoride toothpaste i get from the dentist

no more eating or drinking after that
it's just as well; i am terribly fat

from

the vu du blog

the voodoo blog

the view

high in california

we stopped in a town.  coming down out of the mountains.  we had been in upper yosemite. i had a little money.  i procured some treasures and a little pot and a little stake after a trip a little bit higher.  it started to snow.  father fred was with us.  he and i almost got in a fight over things that have happened, but we did not.  i was almost stripped naked.  had to practically slide back down the mountain.  staying with some backwoods folks, bout proposed to one older woman, but met someone somehow a whole lot more interesting.  a little like miss dottie harding. we had to head back to town.  i had got a holt of a mss.  gospel songs at the little church service.  was going to try and market those.  bought my new fiancee a nice dress for $60.  bought something else expensive as well.  tried to set up my friend pam moore for a sale.  i had some pr about her fiber art.  fiber my algae i said to myself.  but the store, a boutique, still high in the mountains was just not ready to commit.  then doug stine showed up at the door with a big load of furniture.   he had gone shopping.  we were all headed back to yosemite.  with our take and our gear.  it was really exciting. i only took a little hit of pot...it was legal.  she was really beautiful, and not nearly as old as i am now.  i am 72.  there were others in the dream, more than i can tell you about.  a mammy and pappy.  i had a new family.  but got teary-eyed thinking about my old mom and dad.

you don't have to change yourself; just let yourself be transformed.  the Holy Spirit can do a work in you beyond your imagination...even in its wildest reaches.

or maybe it was colorado.

i was thinking maybe i would teach three months  in texas.  huh?

like balboa

i remember the first time i saw the pacific ocean
it was at dillon beach north of san francisco.
i was studying chemistry at the college of the pacific,
now university.  we took a field triip to their
marine biology station near tamales bay.
i remember the fog when we drove to tamales.
i was with a small group of people.  we
came over some sand dunes and there it was.
majestic, powerful, broad and gray.  i
knew what i was going  to do although i
had not told anyone about it.  i stripped
down to my bathing suit and ran to the water
and jumped in immediately before
anyone could stop me.   it was cold.  it was
a form of baptism.  i will never forget that
day, or the marine biology station.  it was
a wonderful time.  i learned about sea
anemones and tide pools.  that was when
i first began collecting succulents.  i
took first prize that summer in my division.
i spent about six weeks in stockton, went in
to san francisco for a long weekend, visited
yosemite and rode south to san diego where
i stayed with my great aunt edie.  we did a lot
of things together, on the bus, and then
i flew home.  it was a great summer.  1961.

john and bradley hanlon

i met the hanlon brothers when they were very young.  they lived with their mother and two sisters downstairs from me at the coronado apartments at seventh and summit in fort worth, texas.  the apartments were managed by the salvation army.  they were very seedy, but also fairly cheap.  the hanlon brothers were very young.  john was ten and bradley was eight, i think.  we became good friends and stayed so for years, through various moves. john would even call on my father downtown sometimes.  finally we lost touch.  they had ended up in a group home or ranch somewhere.  bradley was eventually adopted by someone in west texas and may have eventually changed his name.  john became involved with a fundamentalist christian group and last contacted me about 1990 when i was living at hunter plaza in downtown fort worth.  we had a good visit, but he never came back and that was it.  i think about them, their mother and their sisters from time to time.  would like toknow where they are.  seems like their mother was living off of seminary drive at one time.  their younger sister worked in a restaurant on or just off bluebonnet circle.  bradley was brilliant, but john was good too.  

saturday dream at 10 am

visit to saint luke's on a sunday morning.  after noon...no one there.  have a key.  let myself in.  tend to some business.  take a shower...unauthorized.  am interrupted.  told to leave. i ws hiding in the belfry. there's a vestry meeting.  tslk to them.  they realize i am from the other side.  some don't want me there. i was on official business.  then i find an aa or na group.  they are very friendly.  oh yeah i took a sip off the dregs of a bottle of wine in the refrigerator.  the 12 step group is very loving. i tell them about a not so loving visit i made some time before.  i leave with my dog.  catch a bus across the street.  but first a policeman approaches me.  he wants to help.   i don't reall y need any thing.  i tell them a little about my church. i get out of dodge.

i feel lousey

long live the lice

and set myself upon a field of Glee.  oh glum it was and full of gore and lore when we escaped ourselves and melded in the floor of mud that braced itself in useless claws and guaranteed our fate with simple laws.  we were or would have been on our home turf, a simple ample cottage near our place of birth, when times went all awry and we escaped four score lest there should  come behind us many more.  the little house was shook with posted notice.  we grabbed the boy and ran, thrown over shoulder.  pressed on to wescliff across bluebonnet circle not knowing where we went nor august wimple.  i sat upon a shore and dreamed of him who would at last come home and save us men.  encountered by the door, beleaguered all, we would return back home but were appalled. i ran a barefoot mile in sinful store, protecting for my souls from so much more.  if this be not a riot i don't know the meaning of confusion in my pores...

i dreamed i was in the house on parkridge, with others, including a young boy.  a notice was posted on the door.  we grabbed the boy and ran, but as we left a portion of the house just slipped away.  we proceeded up the hill to westcliff village, interviewed with a man who wanted to trade work for writing lessons.  in panic we headed home, avoiding a field, staying on pavement, for  i was barefoot.  gloss remains where gloss abstains

it is 4:30 am.  woke up confused and word drunk from dreams.  singing matt mahr's amen.  because he lives.  i just have to survive one more day on what i have.  can buy groceries sunday on my way home from church with jeanne.  trying to clear my head.  ready to surrender..

two strolls

one time many years ago, betty spears, the wife of monroe spears, a famous literary professor and editor, was walking across the campus of the university of the south in sewanee, tennessee, when an elderly gentleman stopped her and asked the way to the offices of the "sewanee review".  betty responded that she was headed precisely there at that very moment and offered to escort the gentleman.  "my husband is the editor" she added, by way of introduction. the man then responded, "i come mere every year to buy a subscription for my 'nephew' or was it 'grandson'?"  "you might have heard of him", the man continued.  "his name is tennessee williams".  i have that story directly from betty who, like monroe spears, has been sadly absent from this earth for many years.

some years later i had just arrived in princeton, new jersey (monroe spears was a princeton phd.), and it was just starting to snow as i set foot on the campus of princeton university.  at that moment someone called out my name.  it was letitia taitte, at that time the wife of my good friend from  rice university, lawson taitte, who was a current english graduate student at princeton.  i was still officially a graduate student at the university of california at berkeley.  i was on my way to europe for an extended stay, a sabbatical of sorts. i was happy to see a friendly face, and the three of us had a very enjoyable visit both then and on my return some six months later.

so there are two walks across campuses, somewhat inter-related, incorporating chance encounters..  i could not help but notice the pattern.

from my journal (old)

five dollar billy was known for going
with just about anyone who had a five dollar bill.
it wasn't much, but it was an encounter
he wasn't bad looking, but he liked his fill
of beer and pot...when he could get it
and he wasn't likely to forget it
the next time you saw him, he
he looked to you then, to see if he
could maybe get it upped to ten.

the heathen brethren

deuter ramoney

on reading certain well known poets

i really don't get excited much
by reading famous poets i
may have known or may have liked
at one time any more

actually

half a bread loaf conference is better than  none

nesca sara lee

it ain't nesca sarah lea so
the raina lea show

at the fort worth greyhound

reminds me of the night
i spent in penn station
in new york city
decades ago.
at least there were lockers
for luggage back then.
i've got four hours left to go.
there was the man who found a
pair of jeans a few days before
shoot, lady, he said i don't
have any money. and then the man
who'd come down from jersey
a few weeks before, hoping to become
some kind of a writer.  it doesn't seem
that long ago in memory but
i know it went on...all night long.

we did not find love in high school
although perhaps we thought we did
sometimes, but it was stunted growth
that could not break into full blossom.
often we found it not at all until
we found our peace in You, Lord,
Lord of this present universe

among homosexuals

when hui-neng the sixth patriarch
practitioner of the chan (zen) school
first received the patriarchship
in secret

he had to hide for his own safety

he went to dwell with hunters in the south

and although he was a vegetarian,

he dd not abstain from putting his potatoes

in the pot with the hunter's meat


barron vaughn trump


e)scatalogical
scat/turd

got my little king james

no one else i can blame
it all turns out to be the same
it can drive you insane
i've got my little king james

people in the bus station
stare at the ATM
stare at the vending machines
stare at each other

amenihotep
i'm in a hotep
in downtown cairo,
illinois (ill o' noise
alfred noyes

the problem with the upper bunk
is that things fall off to underneath
i am lucky to recover them
such as this notebook with
my bus ticket hid inside

there are steps that lead
to the upper berth


the buddhist bible
tells us to chose
as place where even the
voice of a cowboy
cannot reach

the abdominable snowman

flori dada

side altar
sub altern
sub deacon
deacon jester

getting ready to translate myself
from houston back to fort worth
already at the station, took a cab
booked an earlier departure
leave here in about an hour
arrive in fort worth late afternoon
it time to catch the last local home

i saw an old poet under a tree
bearded and shirtless, looked
like walt whitman...scribbling.
coffee cups all around him
he gathered his in, a
shepherd of poems

the road to palestine (texas)
go to West Bank and Trust

in the reflection in the window
on the bus, i can see
the iphone image in front of me
as the woman thumbs
through her apps

pneumonia is a serious killer
it stalks us in the nursing home
when one of us starts to get sick
the rest just bitch, complain and moan
we can hardly afford to get real sick
but the truth is we are all just victims
and though we follow different dictems
we hover in our cornered rooms
and hope the angel passes soon


the duodenim elegies

layaman
lay aside

men o' laius
him a' laius

chop suey side

til Lon Burnham wood
(local politician)
shall come to
dunce inane


to go see mother
tegucci kalpa

a wandering cursor
a wandering tribe

the grateful dread

tad lowe
tab leaux

cow poke salit


the mimbres indians
mimbres pottery
mimbres hot springs
mimbres only
need apply


"he who endure to the end
will be saved"  endeavors

the troops adore a
trumpador

trumplicans

page turner

like hacking down a redwood forest
shaving in the early morning
hours, a twice used blade

stubbs stitution

lotus march and the marsh mallows

just look for me in the
burgher king, in
purgatory, colorado


project isle

to fu
chinese soul food

saint auden's way

a sliver of silver
slips like mercury
with a shiver
just by moonlight

chiffarobe
by cicero

the lorraine

when systems fail

aunt best

for pam

there were cherubs in the clouds as we
rose through rings of light
concentric circles, bowls almost
these domes were churning
against a back drop of blue

the clouds came in...in formation
lke marching armies, a large
white swan was descending
when you said you saw an elephant
charging down on us and then
broke up on impact, over us

that's good
that's real good,
hildegaard

von binghampton

current/ an ochre ant

it is 2:19 in the early morning

we have been given some reason to
expect some rain.  it could
arrive at any moment.
i am waiting patiently to hear the sound
of thunder.

i have hardly slept at all.
i have been working all night,
newly inspired by fresh projects.

i am transcribing my next to last journal
for mike journeaux or desjarlais

i am translating appolinaire
his "zone", a classic french poem.

i am trying to learn to be precise.
i am a literalist, keeping close to my words
by definitions, by association

often i have to look words up...
both english and french
i have a decent dictionary
i was promised a much better
by a friend who has defaulted
perhaps for no cause of his own

i write new poems as i work
this is one of them
i hope you enjoy it
my old reader, my sole friend

october 2016

and so i have to make my choice

favorite poets of the day

rae armaentrout
fanny howe (and her sister susan
carolyn knox

why i no longer want to live
anywhere except fort worth

it is the city of my birth
it is the source of my current girth
it gives me joy; it gives me mirth
the streets and structures of fort worth

so inscribed i my mind and my genes
i can hardly imagine a rice and beans

more palatable or desirable
than this simple fare so improbable

that i should encounter at seventy-one
so much to my taste and
so much damned good fun

garth brooks

i don't mean to be difficult
if you get me a tif it could become an occult
i cultivate simplicity, openness, transparency

i languish with relish in regular lines
and do not apologize for trite tested rhymes

"her husband's to aleppo gone"
one of the weird sisters in "macbeth"
fra lippo lippi
give me no lip    olippo
lapping at the side of the boat

"on a cliff overlooking darien
mary anne
maid marian

i think i'm going out to eat
that would be a wondrous feat
the food might from my fork just leap
i think i'm going out to eat

honeysuckle so
sweet in the dallas night
air, spilling all over itself
to almost cover the cracked sidewalk
my bother and i, 7 and 5,
plucked the abundant blossoms
pulled on the stamens and
sucked the sweet transparent nectar
that emerged from the tunnel of
the trumpeting flower, one bright
taste at a time...never completely
satisfying, we continued our harvest
until we got bored with it...it
was a distraction in the southern
dark with grandmother and granddaddy
secure inside, so sweet themselves
we barely would survive their passing

rephrasing an older poem

empty plastic shopping bags
blow down the windy texas street
like dry, wild tumbleweeds or
a pair of old cowboy drunks
headed home after the bars have closed

litteral at liberty

.

how to stabilize

when your're in trouble

don't drink alcohol
don't smoke tobacco
don't do illegal drugs
don't engage in immoral sex
(sex outside of Christian marriage)
don't even entertain the idea
read and study the Bible
attend church if possible
and turn it all over to Jesus
He's the only one can save you
He's the only one who can
oh, yeah, avoid swearing
don't use God's name in vain.
as they say in AA and NA,
it's a tall order.
you won't get it all in
just a day.
do the best that your can
and trust God if you slip.
we are called to perfection,
but we all fail at times.
practice loving charity
and wear out worn out rhymes.

poem

i was pretty much headed down
and going straight to hell,
when Jesus came into my life
and now i'm getting well

the shame of sin had about engulfed me...
been so since i was young'
i had always thought that i knew better
than others.  i was wrong.

i felt alone on all the earth
and did not seem getting better,
until i bent my knees in prayer
and followed to the letter

the path that He laid out for me,
one both pure and simple;
and now i am sure of my reward
full and plain and ample

oh  it's not easy to get up in the morning
when you're old and full of pain;
but i still rise fairly early
to greet my Lord again.

o, you've got to get up in the morning
wash your face and make your bed
to face the day that's a borning
and get your scriptures read.


new poem

coffee is best when it's freshly brewed
at least that's what i've been told
the antioxidants are strongest
before it gets too cold

good morning

am having terrible pain in my back.  started night before last.   not sure how.  very disabling.  will probably have to cancel a couple of doctor appointments.  can't ride the bus like this.  was up during the night.  got some work done.  re-established august budget.   balanced.  interesting dreams just now.  one too embarrassing to relate.  the other about a woman i used to know.  a polite lunch.  something about the president.

notes and diary

had terrible leg cramps after nap after lunch today.  don't feel well.  think i probably lost a friend today...over politics.  hated to see it happen, but think it was inevitable.  not that i can afford to lose a friend.  i have few.  and i'm pretty much somewhat unhappy with just about everybody on the list. little things.   nagging things.  i really hate losing my temper.  anger is a terrible sin.  every bit as deadly as lust.  it buries an arrow in the heart.  i'm sorry it happened, but i probably won't do much about it.  it will wear off.  most things do.

butch
short for butcher
a butch haircut
butchered

keep sakes
key notes

ropin riders
roger roper

gerry mandering
made jerry mad
jerry mathers/
the beaver

ward and june
cleaver
mendenhall

fox news
get your fox straight

fox trotter

rilda b. and the wildebeest

old butermilk sky
o buttermilk pi

butter 3.71 a pound

from notes

indianapolis
the statue of tecumseh the indian
at anapolis
indian anapolis

piper laurie
laurel pipe

skinny affordable care
a stripped down policy
alternative...
not included

swapping jeans
swapping genes

when submission is just a click away

don't luce your moe mentum

crozier high
seeking closure

indie car
in the car

i dream of genealogy
in the middle of the night

chickamaugua
chicken itza
chicken gunya

warm coat carry
parts worn hart

true dough (doe)

doctor chicago
she cargo

nam myoho
yo ho ho

old burdav's
bird eggs for breakfast
saw jim wright (gem rite
there one time

beckett list

keep your eyes on jesus

not enuff to go round

hedda hopper
head 'o hair

ad minnow station
to the finland station
the finny tribe

good health care is
almost always expensive

the mont gum (n)nery
warts / a ward

the insure ants

white rain
tight rein

hospice
hot spices

hospital
hot spittle

daze, weaks and monks

ann a versarary

old potatoes
potatoes all rotten

cafe tearyeyed

words over herd

had a meal
emile

o my tokyo

a toehold in reality

fanatics
attic fans

get your pills down
piltsdown man

and try to stay clean
jacques lean

coming to a public
theater near you

baby lon (lawn)

summer reading
some importance

archie peg leggo

le' go o' my eggo

the sandy eggo

open a window
in flew enza

lame duck

whoopie cushion

i sat down on a loaf of bread.
it whooshed like a whoopie cushion
you used could buy at the local joke store.
it was almost all the food i had,
that and a little peanut butter.
i'll have to eat it anyway,
misshapen thing that it is.
it bears the imprint of my behind.
it's best to look before you sit.

great expectations

the flotsam and the detritus
of every day accumulates
to litter the surfaces of
my life.  i can hardly
escape the clutter.  each
item is charged with meaning.
i throw away what i can and
store the rest.  it reminds me of
mrs. haversham's room in england,
still adorned for a marriage that
never happened.  it occurs in
charles dickens' great expectations:
the rotten cake, the dress, the mice,
and pip comes to understand that
this is not the secret source of
his unexpected wealth...rather
a chance encounter on the heath
with an escaped convict led
him into his present wealth.  it
was disillusioning.  we do not
know the final source of things.
they are hidden in darkness.  life
corrupts and does not satisfy,
unless of course you turn to God
and find some peace and solace there.

jelly makin' (macon) day

it was jelly makin' day in dallas texas in the late 1940's on livingston street in highland park, a city within a city, surrounded by dallas texas.  the maid, capitola bishop, arrived early in her starched white uniform and old black ford.  mrs. latimer was up early as well.  breakfast would quickly be out of the way in the little breakfast room between the kitchen and the large grand dining room.  mr. latimer would be going to work, and little gerry, wide awake as usual, would not be going to school  today.

a very large white enameled pot sat simmering on the stove in the ample kitchen.  it was full of welch's grape juice.  tons of sugar and lots of pectin would be added and stirred and cooked.  i am not sure of all the detailss, but the jelly makin' was well underway.  eventually the rich liquid would be decanted into empty jelly jars which had once contained commercial jelly and were ornamented with animated cartoon etchings.  once the jelly was in the jars a thin disc of melted parafin was poured on each to seal the freshness. it wasn't really all that complicated, but it took time and diligence, and mrs. latimer and capitola labored carefully as little jerry watched from a nearby stool.

these were good times.  the latimers were gerry's grand parents.  his family lived in fort worth, but he was living in dallas to get an early start on public school.  he mostly went home on the weekends.  it was a wonderful life.  all were happy at the time.  life ran well and made good sense.  you won't find much of that today.

with a song in my heart

somewhat randomly arranged

gorbeduct
gorbechev
gorba the chef

let jesus reign
forever  always
o let him reign
let him rain

down on you
he'll heal your heart

change your life
or change your heart

keep on with the
heart of jesus

keep up from the
very start

it's not ok
to be bi or gay
psychologists
psychiatrists
will fade away

largely mistaken
they don't know jesus
no faith in Him
their hell still friezes
over easy

all sexual obsession
is abnormal

love is the norm
the paranormal

sex in love
the married norm
one man one woman
God's true love

all else is prohibited

deliverance is possible
and is so indispensably

nesca shri
it ain't nesca
sarah lee so o
nescafe

don't cry baby
i/van davis and Van cliburn
are both wildly available
on youtube

wear your shirt outside your belt
unless you happen to be the cook

turn your heart onto jesus
in all your ways turn over your heart
let your heart belong to jesus now
lose your heart   bare your heart

i'll pack an
alpaca

unpacked

every day in all your ways
thank the Lord Jesus

prove this just as if you could
make talk and walk

o love the Lord for all His goodness
sing and praise His holy name
love him always
treasure goodness and
all day sing

The Unhappiness of Man

take up your cross
the cross of Jesus
take it up to bless His name
carry it, care for Jesus
whatever burdens to Him
your bring

my arms are weak and
tremble with uncertainty

o be Thou my strong arm
in adversity

surely you are forever God
i will not worship ought but You

wino the rhino
wine stoned cowboy

E/death Sitwell

trivago/she vahgo

meditation at 2 am
almost medicine
in mendocino

examine your heart
on to Jesus

praise the Lord
all ye His creatures
let all with breath
His praises feature

and sea creatures

next food supplement
cheese and butter (real)

all that creep and
all that walk
all that bark,bellow
or talk

an ahna matta poeia
an avocada kia

dolts and idiots
idot

goody samara tan

you have the freedom
to take a wife
but know that choice may
result in strife

keep your sights on
Jesus alone
and you will find peace
as Paul has shown

weird and wired
injectable microchips

give thanks to Him
give thanks for food
trust Him for shelter
look for the good

walk on with Jesus
let Him lead you
you're not done yet
you're ever new

the Happy Celibate

hippie culture

opening an investigation
into just what went on in the
Garden of Eden
called Applegate

outstanding
"out standing in the rain"

no other lover necessary

ponderosa
ticonderoga

pack anna mules

simple ignition

stockings
in the stocks

dynamite
dime a night

zip recruiter
zap ruder

little joe

walter mitty's
hugh midity

atlanta, nevada

mark sitler
the mark

detroit   introit
detrop
do not destroy