saturday night

i had just eaten a bag of popcorn and drank a cup of leftover cold coffee.  earlier i polished off some spaghetti and meatballs from two days ago.  i turned on the tv.  after the end of the six o'clock news a movie came on called "unfinished song".  it was about an old couple.  he was taking care of her.  i don't hear well and the closed caps were hard to read,  but i could follow somewhat.  the faces of the old people were worn but beautiful.  it reminded me of mother and myself.  mother has been gone six months  now.  i looked after her for about six years, the last four in a nursing home.  she barely knew me at the end. but they were probably the happiest days of my life, especially the first two years, before she went in the nursing home. we had a nice apartment and a nice car and a wonderful  dog.  we went to church on sundays.  it was a good life.  life is not that good without her.  it's lonely here in the retirement center.  i have my own room and go down for meals.  i rarely go out...just for church, when i can, and doctor appointments.  i read some, write quite a bit and listen to music.  classical, mostly.  i read my bible. i don't know how long this can last.  my health seems to be starting to fail.  would not be surprised to end up in a nursing home myself before long.  i am grateful just to get through the days and the weeks, the months and the years.  i did see our little dog recently.  she had had an operation.  she looked so healthy and happy. it cheered me up quite a bit.